I was all alone (again) sitting in a donut store one afternoon at a local mall, while waiting for my turn for a check up at the company clinic. The place was utterly crowded, with different kinds of people from all walks of life, coming and going, back and forth, left and right. I was there looking at all of them, but I am actually not seeing them. Sounds funny, but its true.
My mind was roaming around. I was thinking of varying thoughts that I could not even pinpoint what they are exactly. I was staring into nothingness and everyone that surrounds me are nothing but vague shadows. I was deeply contemplating on so many things but I could not recognize what they are. It was like I was physically there, but I was mentally and emotionally somewhere else.
I always want people to see like everything is okay with my life. I have built this facade of "happiness" amidst all my sorrows and fears. But my life is really happy. To some extent, it really is. And all these feelings of loneliness are just all in my mind. All of these "drama" are just products of my own doing. Perhaps, all these "alone" and "lonely" moments are just effects and after-effects of my illusions and disillusionments.
Funny, with all the good things that are happening in my life, career-wise, I should be grateful and happy. In fact, I really am grateful. I am thankful.
But I don't think I'm happy. Seemingly, there are empty spaces in the deep recesses of my heart that needs to be filled. I am not happy to the purest and real meaning of the word. In fact, I don't feel that I am happy at all.
Because, honestly, my mind is so full, it may be overflowing. But my soul is starving and my HEART is empty.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
All I can say is... Happiness is a choice... it's just a state of mind
Although, it is true that being happy is a choice we cannot always control what we feel and how we feel. There will always come a time that no matter how we choose to be happy, we still don't feel like it.
Post a Comment