Bad "Hair" Day

I cut may hair yesterday (Sunday). Short. As in short (by my own standard, that is.) For most people, cutting their hair would indicate that they are happy and inspired. But for me, cutting my hair, or doing anything about it would mean the opposite. For most of the time, I only cut my hair when I feel sad, lonely and depressed. I have this stupid idea that once I lose a part of my wavy hairs, along come with it all the hurt and desperation I feel and try to hide inside.

I could not say that my act of cutting my hair yesterday was different from the previous ones. Yes, I kinda sad and depressed, but the main reason why I wanted to cut my hair was the thought and the hope that, I want a fresh new start, with nothing in particular. I just had this feeling that I need new beginnings and new perspectives.

I was really hopeful, up until early this morning when all of a sudden, those hopes was just flushed through the sink. You see, I slept early last night, even missing some of my favorite TV shows (believe me, doing so, is indeed a sacrifice), I woke up early than usual this morning, only to wait for more than an hour at the bus terminal for my ride for work. It was raining so hard, and I ended up not only somewhat drenched in rain but also very late.

Funny, how fate really plays its game. Just when I finally decided to make a brand new start for soul and my heart, fate comes in again, as if saying that its not yet time. How can I move on, when even my "friend" Fate, doesn't allow me to do so? Hmmp, I smell something fishy here. Is this nature's way of saying that I don't need a fresh start? Who needs a fresh start when I'm not rotten, after all. Could be true. Perhaps. Probably correct. Maybe, this is just a case of bad luck. Maybe, this happened to make me realize that no matter how much I want to do, I cannot control everything that is to happen in my life.

I do need a start. Need it so badly. And I want it soon. But how?