Hang-ups and Taking Risks

Someone once texted me that "he doesn't know what's wrong with me". He said that I have so many hang-ups. According to him, I want to do a lot of things, but he doesn't know what's stopping me. He said further, that I want to do a lot of acts, yet I can't or won't even try to realize it. And finally, he said, it's time for me to take risks.

It was such a slap in the face. I admit that now. but when he texted me that, I just laughed at him, telling him he's gone crazy. and that he doesn't know me that much to psycho-analyze me. How I dare you., I said. I even lectured him that I, as a graduate student at that time, have come to recognize that I only take calculated risks and the risk that he wants we to take is way over my cup of tea.

Despite of the anger I felt, I saved his message. I don't know why, but someone at the back of my mind told me that it was the right thing to to. And so I did. So one day, while reading through my almost full Inbox, I read that message again, and it suddenly hit me like lightning, how correct he was. And it was my damn pride that hindered me from admitting the truth. At that time, I could not accept that he has defeated me. In fact, I still wouldn't admit that fact to him. Over my dead body. (Laughs.)

Perhaps I have hang-ups and maybe I'm just afraid of taking risks. And even if I admot that fact today, I still don't know what those are. I think that is an even bigger problem. (Hehehe). I now realize and recognize those facts but mere recognizing and admitting would not do me any good. What I need today is to know what "those" hang-ups are and work towards overcoming them.

Moreover, I should start taking risks from now on, but that voice at the back of ming again, still says NO> Perhaps, I need to make amends and compromises. I need to set standards so as to know which risks are worth taking and which ones are worth dumping.

Nevertheless, that same voice is silently thanking that person for having the courage though not personally to make me see what is "wrong" with me. I owe a lot to him. I hope I could thank him for it and take back that "ungrateful laugh" that I gave him in return for his psycho analysis. I hope one of these days, I'll have the guts to thank him for making me see that what is perhaps hanging me up and stopping me from taking risks are my "fears" and the possibility of failure. (But this is another story).

It's not too late, right? I still have his number. I guess, he's just a text away.